I’m Outraged (WARNING Mass Effect 3 ending spoilers)

I’ve not played Mass Effect 3’s single player campaign yet because I am busy on a new writing project (Help fund my kickstarter here!) and because I spent so much time on my ME1 character’s face that I refuse to either remake it or play with a generic face until Bioware fixes the face import bug. You have to take stands in life people.  You can’t just shrug and say “ok” every time life hands you first world problem lemons and you realize they’ve been using you as their private lemonade making labor force your entire life.

My not playing the game hasn’t stopped the Internet however from informing me that I should be absolutely bugshit outraged by the end of the single player campaign. 

Well I’ve got your back Internet.  Despite not having played a single frame of it, I am indeed outraged at the end of Mass Effect 3.  Spoilers ahead.

Not only is it absolute bullshit that Commander Shepard is revealed to be an hermaphrodite, they go one step further and insult hermaphrodites everywhere by offering you the option of romancing yourself!  THAT’S NOT HOW THAT WORKS BIOWARE. It’s beyond stupid that after spending all that time on your FemShep or your ManShep that the end reveals none of it matters! You’re both!  Here’s some cake to eat, and you can have it too!

And don’t even get me started on the reveal of the new model of Geth that is completely human.  Hello?  Did they think we hadn’t seen Battlestar Galactica?  The reboot one I mean? The one with the horrible ending?

But probably the most frustrating part of the end was when the reapers revealed this is the sixth time they have destroyed the galaxy and they are becoming exceedingly efficient at it, then says HermaphroShep can choose a set number of people to rebuild the galaxy as long as something something something subconsciously chooses to something or other that the reapers want, I’m not really sure I understood it fully which is usually a sign of a bad ending.

Look, I know bad endings.  Hell people, I’m old enough that I’ve suffered through retroactively made bad beginnings.

So I’m absolutely outraged before I’ve even begun playing and I will sign any petition or send any ineffectual but hotly worded email or perhaps forum post until Bioware gives me the ending I want.

Nay, the ending I deserve.


  1. Dan12R says:

    Note: What follows may be considered a spoiler by some. But if you didn’t like the ending, I suggest reading it.
    Here’s the thing about the ending: There are like 2 dozen possible endings. My first playthrough, I hated the ending, then I learned about the multiple endings and how to get a decent ending. Annoyingly, if you want one of the better single-player campaign endings, you have to play the multiplayer online or by playing the iOS game. Since I don’t own an iOS device (Love my Windows Phone), I had to play the multiplayer. The game doesn’t tell you this at all, I had to learn it on the internet. Once I learned that by doing all the side missions and playing a bunch of the multiplayer would give me a high Effective Military Strength. Once I got that number high enough, I was actually presented 3 different choices for endings at the end. I haven’t even explored all the possible ending options yet. So if you didn’t like the ending you got, play the multiplayer, work to get your Effective Military Strength as high as possible, and then see what you think. If you still don’t like the ending, pick a different option at the end.

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