Suckernacity: noun [suh-ker-nas-i-tee]

• the quality or property of being suckernacious
• increasing the volume and tone of sincerity of a viewpoint or narrative that both you and the audience know is clearly false

We’ve all seen examples of individuals or entities with tremendous suckernacity.  Bill Clinton’s angry “I did not have sex with that woman” denial.  Fox News’ “Fair and Balanced” tagline.  [insert Major League Baseball Player Here]’s staunch denials in front of congress that they can’t even spell steroids much less use them.  These are the obvious examples. People who don’t just state something you know is untrue, they practically double down on it when you call them on the BS.

I’ve written about the morass of horribleness that is Satellite Radio’s commercial offerings. But recently they have taken suckernacity to a new level: The commercial pretending to be part of the show you are listening to.

The commercial goes something like this.  You’ll be listening to one of the satellite channels that actually has commercials.  In between the Viagra tabs and trucker insurance commercials a voice will break in that sounds like a DJ.  But the most interesting part is that it doesn’t sound like a produced FM top 3 station DJ.  It sounds like AM band awkward 3AM Sunday morning “hits of Polka” type DJ.  The speech is halting and has a weird emphasis on certain words:

Hey everyone. Back to the show in a second.  But first… have you guys heard about this? It’s a computer program that's making newcomers to the internet rich. Apparently… you can sell items like iPod accessories, even Plasma TV’s from your home.  Best part is, you don’t even have to see the stuff you’re selling…They have a number to call for a free CD…[sound of papers shuffling and rustling] hang on a second [more paper shuffling] I have the number right here… uhh oh yeah it’s uhh… [NUMBER REDACTED]. Sounds like your computer does all the work, while you… just basically… collect the money!  That number again is…uhh let’s see, [NUMBER REDACTED]. 

My favorite part, besides the obvious fake attempt at tone and cadence, is the papers shuffling in the background like he’s forgotten the number HE’S PAID TO COMMUNICATE TO YOU.  That’s the part that takes it from wink wink we know we’re not part of the show, to pure suckernacity for me.  Like they’re saying we know we’re not part of the show, you know we’re not part of the show, but maybe one more thing might fool you.