You think you have things nailed in your life.  You think, that to the extent you still have things to learn, they aren't the big things. You hope, at the age of 35, you have the big stuff figured out.  From here on out it's...well it is just refining what you already know.

 

If you think this, no matter what your age, hope - deep down somewhere - that you are wrong. Someone, somewhere within your circle of knowledge, is going to school you.

 

I can't say that I am close to Matt  and Ellen .  I know them, we've talked. We have mutual friends that know they are good people, and my interactions with them support that so I have thought of them as good people.  They are good people. 

 

Today they lost a daughter, Emma. 

 

I've been following Emma's struggle in the hospital lately via twitter and Matt's blog.  Recently through a spot of bad trouble she fought her way beyond it and was doing better.  Today I took a break from twitter and during that time, Emma died.

 

It's funny how the thinnest of strands of connectivity (Twitter or blogging, for example), can invest emotion for a struggle and help you keep in touch with people even when you don't personally know them that well. 

 

So I thought I would write about five things I learned from Emma during her short short life.

 

 

Emma didn't have a good shot from the beginning. With a birth weight of 1 pound, 10 ounces she started out with a ventricular septal defect that had to be corrected via complex heart surgery later on.  Through the first months of her life, she didn't give up despite the incredible odds stacked against her.  She put on weight and readied herself for the hard road ahead. 

 

Lesson being, it's easy to give up when you can.  It's actually harder to try when you have no choice at all but to try.

 

 

Video speaks a thousand words.

 

Lesson being, make a moment for fun in between the daily battles.

 

 

Following her difficult surgery Emma fought a lot of realistic but overall pessimistic views of her chances.  This was a roller coaster of a battle, even in the recovery phase.  And more than once the doctors cautioned about repurcussions even if she made it.  But she pulled through many challenges in the post surgery phase, to the pleasent shock of everyone.

 

Lesson being, A lot of experts know lots of things, but a good fight can surprise them and make them rethink the odds.

 

In the end, there was a moment when Matt and Ellen thought it was all was lost as Emma succumbed to a severe infection.  Matt blogged openly that she was beating incredible odds just to live through the night.  It was probably the darkest moment, the moment when it made sense for everyone to give up. But there was still the possibility that she would fight it off.  She did, and again surprised everyone.

 

Lesson being, with any long battle the worst must be contemplated. That doesn't mean it has to be accepted as a foregone conclusion if you have hope.

 

In the end the struggle was too great and Emma passed today. It was a busy life.  Both doctors and parents learned much from Emma in her time, and now she's gone but not forgotten.  No one can say she didn't touch people.  Thanks to Matt's blogging and the Internet and the circle of friends we all got to be a part of her experience, short though it was.

 

Lesson being, when a hard struggle is over, no matter the outcome, you can rest knowing things are different from when you entered the story.

 

So those are my impressions on the short life of my friends' daughter.  Thoughts are with them, and her sister Ella, and everyone else connected with them as well.  So bye Emma, and thanks for the lessons.